When My World Collapsed

I’ll be sharing  you today the  saddest event  in my married  life I will never ever  forget!

After the honeymoon stage, Mon and I decided to do some home renovation projects. It was a  toxic and stressful  experience.

When  the renovation project was over, I felt something strange with my body. I felt severe abdominal pain. It was like I was about to experience my monthly period and I had the tingling sensation in my breasts. I thought it was just an early sign of my Premenstrual Syndrome (PMS). I started checking the calendar and I was 1 week  delayed from my monthly period. I waited another week, before I finally decide to do a PT (Pregnancy test). I was elated upon seeing  two pink vertical lines after my PT ( Pregnancy test). I and Mon went straight to the hospital to have myself checked. I was advised to undergo TVS (transVaginal ultrasound) to check the placement of my baby. We needed to return the following day for a scheduled TVS (transVaginal ultrasound). Their TVS service was only up until 3 pm. Wasn’t satisfied really with how they treated their patients, so I decided not to come back the following day.

A friend of mine recommended me to visit ALL ABOUT WOMEN clinic in SM Cebu, for more thorough examination and better service for pregnant women. The OB GYN doctor was indeed pleasant. I loved how accommodating their staff was. After the procedure, according to the result, the baby was too small for  her to conclude that the embryo was the one seen during the ultrasound. We were advised to do another test after 2 weeks. If you could  just imagine how I felt waiting for the next TVS session  when I could finally hear my baby’s heartbeat.

Our next visit was the happiest one. We’ve finally heard the heartbeat . The size of the small dot grew into a cute little pea. However, my Dr. said the heartbeat was a bit low, so she needed to check it again after 2 weeks. Here we go with the waiting time again(sigh).

Our third visit finally came.  The result was the saddest news I’ve ever heard. The heartbeat stopped! The baby didn’t grow from the last time we saw the image(oh no!). My Dr. advised me that we could just wait until the baby would let go. There was no need for DC (dilation and curettage) since it was less than 3 months of pregnancy.

The embryo was not really meant for us, was too precious to stay on earth. The angel was destined to stay in heaven. I burst into tears when we arrived home. I am not sure to whom I should put the blame to. I blamed myself for being not careful enough to take care of my munchkin. I blamed my spouse for every single reason why the pregnancy wasn’t successful.

I was in denial stage. I sought another medical advise after a week, and was advised to go thru another TVS. This was the most painful part, the embryo can’t be seen anymore during the ultrasound. As per my OB GYN, the embryo disappeared. She set my expectations that bleeding will soon follow.

8 Days after my birthday, it was December 4, 2014 when my contractions started. They quickly got worse and worse. I could feel the pain getting unbearable. Then bleeding  followed. Clots upon clots started falling out. I continued to have gushes every couple of minutes with tons of blood and clots. I am sobbing seeing the clots in the toilet. I didn’t need a DC (dilation and curettage). All the products of conception were totally evacuated from my uterus.

The memories of my miscarriage are still fresh in my thoughts. My world collapsed when I lost my first pregnancy, but this should not be the reason to shatter our marriage. It should make us even stronger to face the challenges in life. We now have an angel in heaven praying for us.

We love you ANAK  ♥