I felt emotionally disturbed these past few days because of my exam. Anxiety was taking over my normal daily functioning making me forget some of my daily routines. There was one point when I was talking to a colleague and in the middle of the conversation, I found myself having difficulty remembering her name. My sister also had requested a favor for me to take out some cash using her ATM card last week. I managed to get the task completely done but totally forgot to return the card. She ended up with no card for almost two weeks. Furthermore, listening to music could easily make me cry and even a simple disagreement with my husband often left me terribly exasperated.
What’s going on with me?
When we aren’t at peace, our whole body functioning system also seemed distorted. Just so timely, I attended the Holy Mass last Sunday and got so moved with this song, “One more gift.” Perfectly suited my current situation.
If there’s one more gift
I’d ask of you
Lord it would be peace here on earth
As gentle as your children’s laughter
All around, all around
Your people have grown weary
Of living in confusion
When will we realize
That neither heaven is at peace
When we will live not in peace
Grant me serenity within
For the confusions around
Are mere reflections..
Of what’s within..
What’s within in me?
It made me realized definitely God sees me deeply troubled with my fear. No matter how prepared I may be with all the hard work I put into it, I still believe it’s not going to be possible for me to achieve my success without God moving mountains for me. He has the last say if I’ll be able to make it or not. To ease my tense hormones, I surrendered everything to Him. I did my part to make myself ready to face it. All I can do is to control my emotions and to fortify my faith.
Anxiety isn’t as simple as it may sound. It’s gut-wrenchingly painful. I needed to do something for me not be paralyzed with my worries.
I prayed several times be it at work, on my way home, anywhere where I am alone to speak with Him. Prayers work! I kept on repeating it to myself that my God is bigger than my worries and more powerful than my fear. The more I say it, the more my mind regains the confidence in my abilities to surpass my agitation.
I talked about my feelings to someone I can trust trying to solicit words of encouragement from them. Releasing our burden felt inside by expressing it helps lighten the weight we carry. A simple gesture of a light shoulder tap or just merely saying,” You can do it,” already gave me the courage to conquer my fear.
I stopped procrastinating my agony. The more I kept on delaying to finish my dreaded task, the greater is the chance for my anxiety to build up. I’d rather face it now and deal with it to free myself from this debilitating terror. Avoiding it will not help me get to my goals anyway. It will only prolong the pain of getting scared of the unknown.
I took a break. Stopping for a moment from thinking of all the possible What if’s. Averting myself from reading post causing stress from social media. Stopping from panicking on what I needed to read more. I paused, took a deep breath and enjoyed the serenity for a few moments to recover my composure. You can try it too. It feels so refreshing taking it easy away from the toxicity of the world.
All of these helped me a lot.☺
And just today, August 16,2018, I took another leap of my faith to pursue my dreams. With God’s Immeasurable grace, I passed my CBT exam. It won’t be possible without His Divine Intervention. He sent me His help through His angels here on earth. There aren’t enough words for me to say how much thankful I am to ATS especially to Miss Cher and Sir Eufil. They were there witnessing my not so easy path. They knew my struggles from the start of my review until the day I claimed my success. The complicated topics were made easier to digest by the way Miss Cher presented it during our lecture discussions. How lucky I am to have met them.☺ All I am praying that they may receive enormous blessings the same way as they became a blessing to all struggling nurses like me.
Success felt so sweet when you know how much you’ve worked hard for it. Those tiring days of never-ending study days, my tears for getting disappointed for every difficulty along the way, and a willing heart ready to accept corrections from my mistakes all paid off.
My family and friends never stopped praying for me. They continued to show me their support enough to push me to believe in myself of achieving my dreams. THANK YOU!♥
Wherever this dream of mine will take me, whatever success I may get because of my desire to practice my profession, my Angels will always be part of my beautiful journey.
To God be the glory!