Pain and Anger

If I am going to let you score your pain with zero as no pain and ten as the worst how would you rate it?” This is the best suitable question for me today to describe my headache on my way home. I would rate it as seven. Yes, it was extremely painful! Maybe because of the cold rainy weather in which my body isn’t liking it at ALL when I am out of the house. Thank you Ren for the paracetamol tablet to ease my discomfort. That’s the benefit of having a nurse friend.(wink)

Thanks God I am finally home back to my favorite spot to write on something. Let’s turn on the introvert side of me. I wanted to share you a secret. Well, it’s not going to be a secret anymore because I will be blogging it. I’m quite ready to let you know about the details.

A few weeks ago, I had a not so good kind of conversation with someone related to me professionally. I was fighting for something I think was the best for someone. We may not be on the same boat but I know both of us aimed the best for that person. It was just that our discussion wasn’t as calm as it should be. I didn’t made a scene guys so relax.

After the encounter, I felt my chest was carrying like a bag of stone and I badly wanted to release it but how? After my day ended, I sat in one corner somewhere, staring at a blank space trying to comprehend what actually went wrong.

How did I not manage to use my tongue appropriately to explain my side? Why did I became silent again?

Why can’t I set aside my emotions when I’m mad?

So many questions came like a bolt of thunder to me.

A stranger happened to be on the same silent corner with me. Out of my emotionally wrecked brain I blurted a question to him like as if I’ve already knew him,”What do you do when you’re angry?”

“Pardon?” Looking at him I saw his confused face trying to understand if he heard me correctly asking him some questions all of a sudden.

Breaking the awkwardness between the two of us, I released a deep sigh and turned my eyes to somewhere away from the old man.

“I usually walk away and I would try to let myself calm down before speaking anything I might regret in the future.” his direct answer to my question.

Well, we do practice the same way to manage anger. However, after every not so good encounter my eyes never failed to activate my lacrimal glands. It’s like an open window to shed those frustrations out from me. Without noticing it, the next thing I knew, I was already sobbing in front of that person. I was so seriously mad crumpling a piece of scratch paper between my hands.

“Hey, I can see you’re a good person.” “Let it out through your tears.” “You’ll soon be ok.” So good of him to give me comfort.

When he saw me stopped sobbing. He asked me if I have some friends here to talk with. If I was on his side I would ask the same question. Why on earth would you talk something personal to someone you don’t even know? Weird, right?

Of course, I do have few friends here but there are some things I would rather keep to myself or would prefer to discuss it to someone who doesn’t know me. My families aren’t here to talk to me when I badly need one. I don’t want to disturb them when it’s already midnight on the other side of the world.

“Most often than not, speaking to strangers about your worries will give you an unbiased advice about it. They don’t know you to judge your personality. They will only get a piece of your story to think about, not the entire details of who exactly are you. Now I understand why some people would hire somebody not directly related to them to talk with.

To the old man who was with me when I felt so shattered, thank you. You were right. I felt better after I’ve released my resentment. I’m not exactly sure if our paths will still cross on this lifetime. Whoever you are please know you’ve helped me alot.


Thank you Lord for sending me another angel ready to listen to my not so good stories.



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