When I Crushed His Soul

We had our first team meeting last week in the office with our new teammates for our new schedules. I am thankful that I still got the same schedule that I had last year which makes it easier for me to plan my vacation leaves. I just hope that I will still retain my current schedule for the next 6 months. Change is the only thing that is constant in our line of business and I have learned to adjust to it.

Oh, come on who wouldn’t be able to adapt to it if you love your job, right? (sanguine mood)

One of the discussions we had during our team meeting was about giving feedback to our colleagues, be it our manager or our co-teammates. My manager differentiated the 2 types of feedback or shall I say criticisms. He mentioned about Constructive Criticism and Destructive Criticism. By definition, constructive criticism is a feedback provided that aims to correct the mistake committed for the purpose of letting someone improve himself while destructive criticism is a blunt way of attacking an individual that can trigger someone’s emotions to feel worthless. More often than not, Destructive criticism fails to correct the mistake.

During the first few years of our relationship with Mon, I was more inclined to use destructive criticism against Mon, especially if he wouldn’t be able to do what I was expecting for him to perform. There were several instances I berated him for those simple mistakes that could supposedly be corrected by giving him a positive way of delivering feedback rather than belittling him.

One of my pet peeves which annoys me is when he looses or damages something I gave to him as a gift. I consider gifts as precious things that should be given proper care with the receiver as a sign of gratitude.

I bought him a pair of sport sunglasses a few years ago. He had been requesting as my Christmas gift for him. After a week of using it, he told me he lost it when he signed up for a Running Marathon. He was busy signing up for the application form and placed it on top of the table where he was sitting. When he finished filling out the form, it wasn’t there anymore.

What did you just say?

I was really furious upon knowing it. How could he afford to lose something with sentimental value? I insulted him on how careless he was and told him he didn’t deserve to receive any gifts from my hard earned money.

My outrage went out of control with the words that came out of my mouth. I saw how his soul was crushed displayed by his somber facial expressions and his self esteem was greatly devastated.

Words are indeed such a powerful weapon to hurt feelings.

As I looked back about the incident of me hurting Mon’s emotions and relating it to what my Manager had just explained last week, I was haunted by remorse for what I have done to him. I could have had provided him tips on how to be more careful with his things rather than giving him a shaming reprimand. I failed to correct his mistake and at the same time I made him feel worse. Destructive Criticism had never helped us fix our misunderstanding and had somehow instead crippled our relationship.

I am in constant battle with myself to control my mean temper and to be mindful with my words when I want to express myself to others especially to my spouse.

I am proud to say I am making a little progress with regard to keeping my cool. I hope I can maintain it.(baby steps) Wish me luck.☺

I am terribly sorry Teddy (Mon). I love you♥


Proverbs 15:4

A soothing tongue is a tree of life, But perversion in it crushes the spirit.




1 comment
  1. […] you have to criticize, do it lovingly.-I have mentioned from my previous post(When I Crushed His Soul) about the difference between Constructive Criticism and Destructive Criticism. Words are powerful […]

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