It’s a consistent response of mine to get terribly emotionally troubled whenever I am about to take a major examination. I posted my journey when I took my CBT entitled Apprehensions, in case you wanted to know how I dealt with it. Few steps I’ve discussed which may help you clear your mind before your exam date.
These past few days was somehow like a roller coaster of soul-stirring series of events. Can you imagine how difficult it was to combat such struggle alone without your family with you? It wasn’t easy.
From the moment when I knew about our scheduled date for our Nursing Licensure exam to be a UKRN, I started to loose my inner peace. My worries, anxiety and all sorts of fears took away the bubbly side of me. I became silent without me consciously noticing it. The people around me did pick up the cues that something wasn’t normal with my mood. Both my behavioral and physical response to anxiety were becoming evident. Dear me!
So, I said to myself,”Calm down you jolly lady!” “Pause, take a deep breath and get your darn focus back.”
Ourselves should be the first person to cheer us up when we are down. Do it if that’s one way to make you feel better. You know yourself better than anyone else, don’t you? Whatever you think may help you relax then don’t hesitate to practice it. In my case, I love to do long walks alone when I wanted to gain back my composure.
Discovering each shop in Hessle Road while enjoying the blazing heat of the sun gave warmth to my shivering anxious heart. This should be my final battle to win. Disheartening slackness because of fear shouldn’t be part of the equation. Yes, it did relieve me a bit to feel okay.
Before the week of my examination, Rev. Father Ivan Dawson gave us his blessing after the holy mass. All of us who were scheduled to take the test were asked to move forward to the altar so we can receive his prayer for guidance. When he asked to let the congregation raise their arms towards us while giving a solemn prayer, I felt a single tear was trying to squeeze out from my closed eyes. The solemnity of his sincere plea from God touched the fragile tensed emotions of mine. Thank you Father. It was indeed a big help.
During my examination day I knew I did everything I could to pass it but when I came out of the test center, all my enthusiasm to end the day with flying colors were all replaced with worries I might fail. My world shut down and I felt I had put myself again into a space that nobody was allowed to reach me. I wasn’t receptive anymore to the words of encouragement from anyone. I just wanted to go home, locked myself up in my room and all my disappointments came like an uproar in my throat in a form of a silent scream. Salty drops started to drenched my chin. Everything darkened into nothingness like a blank space of being empty. What happened?
The following day, after the exam I started it with a rosary and also had attended a mass together with my friends. I asked for the Lord’s forgiveness because I doubted His Immeasurable power. I got shaken with fear making me forget about my faith with His presence. I knew God was there in every station on the test center. I was so weak Dear Lord. I totally blanked out about our agreement with my most powerful bible verse from you.
Joshua 1:9 Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”
Today, the 20th of May, I got my result with a positive response. Thank you Lord. I am finally a UK RN. I was crying in the ward while on shift reading the confirmation email from NMC. One of my service users congratulated me and said, “You will get it because you have a heart of a nurse!”
Thank you to all my angels who helped me get my dreams into a reality. 😍