The Hardest Part Of Leaving

It took me weeks before I can finally afford to write my own experience on how I managed to take a step away from my family on the day I was scheduled to leave my home country. It wasn’t easy honestly. I would say it was one of the most terrible feeling of sadness I’ve ever felt in my entire life. It crushed my heart into pieces

I got comments from people saying I must be part of the determined soul mothers who can leave their kids for the sake of my career development. I’m not even sure on how I should take that statement.

If my profession can only provide a better compensation be it financially to help our family’s budget or in any other aspects of improving our career as a nurse, I won’t be here serving people from the other side of the world. No mum in her right state of mind would choose to depart from her loved ones for no apparent reason. I hope everyone can realize that before saying anything. 😥

So, how was the airport experience. It was an awful day. I can’t find a better way to describe it. The night before my flight, it was before dinner, I couldn’t hold myself and burst into tears while speaking with my Papa over the phone. He told me to be careful always. As he reminded me that the rules and regulations in this country is entirely different to our own. In the middle of the conversation I went silent on the other line and the next thing he heard was me crying like a child still wanting to stay a little bit longer. Few more days please if possible but sadly, it’s beyond my control to delay my flight. 😫

I sat and ate our dinner crying. It wasn’t that nice sight to look at. Mama was also in tears. Washed the plates and still crying. When will my tears ever stop?

Before bedtime, my husband and my toddler tried their best to make me smile. When my child saw me in bed with tears, he went up, looked for a hanky and wiped my cheeks while saying “Don’t cry Mommy it’s not good. “His pure intentions to make me happy made me more emotional. How could I ever survive being away from them?

I told my Mama not to cry in the airport because it will make me feel more devastated seeing them on that situation. She did what I requested but the moment I couldn’t see them anymore, it was when I cried out all the tears left in me. I didn’t mind what others may say for those who have seen me. The day I was so scared to come finally happened and this shall be the painful price of me wanting for them to have a better life.

Such painful memory would still left me in tears. For now, I’m doing the very best that I can to ease my heavy heart away from my family. I bought these frames to hold my life jewels in my room.

Some may find this funny but for me, this is my coping way to see them everyday smiling, cheering me up to continue whatever we had started with our dream.

I miss you both everyday. 😥

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