I Choose To Carry My Cross

Almost two weeks had past before I finally got the courage to write this piece of story regarding the cross I am carrying. It may not be as detailed as some of the information may needed to be withheld for some legal reasons.

Can we start this post by asking on how am I? I don’t know too how to answer this question. Coping I should say. I am not okay pretty Mommas. I am running out of steam seeking for justice. Yes, I am firing in anger to get what is mine.

What exactly happened? To make the story short, I’ve learned recently that somebody took a step to disgrace my parents and who has no shame without permission took a possession which obviously and legally belongs to my family.

Confronted the person asking for answers on how could he possibly do that to my aging parents. You know what response did I get? He spoke to me in a spitefully critical manner, called me names in a very hurtful way as you could ever imagine, and used lots of swearing. “My Lord, I can’t fix this in a diplomatic way.” “I may need some legal assistance to sort it out. It’s imperative for me to get a lawyer.

What did I do to deserve such trouble? I’m only thirty one to experience this kind of harassment. Have I been that cruel in my past life to be punished and be made to carry the heaviest cross?

I started questioning the Heavens with all my Why’s because I felt helpless. I’m desperately sucking in breathes between sobs trying to figure out the best solution. I’ll get crazy if I won’t get out of my room. Spoke to a few number of friends comforting my messed up soul. After two days, I made a decision. A decision to turn the table to view my worries on a different angle and started to answer my why’s.

Why am I chosen to bear this kind of worry? As they said, problems in your life will always equate to your capabilities to solve it. God won’t allow you to carry a weight more than your strength. I believe this is a test preparing me to be strong both emotionally and spiritually. If I stumble along the way in my journey, I shouldn’t feel apprehensive because my Lord’s hands will always be there to catch my failing knees, my weakening spirit to continue.

Why am I am crying when I know it wasn’t me who was at fault? Crying is not a sign of weakness. There’s nothing to be ashamed of when you let go of those innocent drops of frustrations. Cry it out for a day if you have to. Release it as much as you can to make you feel better.

That is why our beloved Saint Pope John Paul II said, “It’s better to cry than be angry, because anger hurts others while tears flow silently through the soul and cleanse the heart.”

Why some people can manage to sleep knowing they’ve caused injustice to someone? As long as I know I didn’t do anything to hurt others, then that’s all that matters. Their actions reflect their personality on who and what kind of human they are. God sees all our actions and even the hidden dark intentions we kept. He knew all of them. We can’t hide anything from HIM. If I can’t get the justice I deserve here, my Savior will be the one who will give it to me. He will chase those who’ve wronged me. Heaven and Hell exist. Remember that!

Why am I being labeled with nasty swearing when I knew I’m not like that? Other’s negative comments about you don’t deserve any space in your heart. They may call you names, put false accusations against you leaving your self perception about you totally distorted. However, you know yourself better than anyone else. Nobody can put you down not unless you’ll allow them to eat you whole. IGNORE, IGNORE and IGNORE their dirty mouth. Be free from their negativity.

God is with me in this battle. My conscience is crystal clear. I choose to carry my cross and I will fight for JUSTICE. Please pray for me Mommas to carry on.




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