One of our wedding gifts that I like most is this wooden wall frame with a meaningful message about keeping the married life strong. This was given to me by my college friend.
Let me share you a picture of it.
Wedding is a one day happy celebration of the formal union between lovers taking their vow in front of God, but after the ceremony it’s when the real married life begins. Marriage isn’t just about the honeymoon stage. It can’t be compared to the fairytale stories in books we thought to be real when we were kids. Marriage needs to be fed by the couples determined efforts to make it grow deeper.
Let’s go ahead and understand the rules of a happy married life based on the picture above.
- Never both be angry at the same time.- When Mon and I is having an argument and both of us are at the peak of our emotions, we don’t get to resolve the issue. Why? Because we can’t think clearly about the problem and the resolution of it. We are overwhelmed with our intense anger towards each other. Nobody thinks clearly in the middle of a storm right? Let your emotions subside first before engaging in a conversation to face your disagreements.
- Never yell at each other unless the house is on fire.-How can an effective communication happen if both of you are talking at the same time. I mean, it’s not a rocket science, it simply means if the wife talks let the husband listen and vice versa. Take turns in talking.
- If one of you has to win an argument let it be your mate.- Master the art of swallowing your pride. This is a bit of a challenge as I can relate to it. But then again, if you want to make your marriage last, you have to exert an effort in letting your pride down.
- If you have to criticize, do it lovingly.-I have mentioned from my previous post (When I Crushed His Soul) about the difference between Constructive Criticism and Destructive Criticism. Words are powerful motivators and can also be as sharp as sword, so let’s be mindful with our choice of words and the tone of delivering the message.
- Never bring up mistakes from the past.- Focus on to what the current issue is. If your partner have made a mistake in the past, that doesn’t mean you need to use it as a weapon for every argument to make your partner feel guilty about it. That’s an act of letting your partner suffer the guilt forever. That’s cruel, isn’t it?
- Neglect the whole world rather than each other.-Continue to express your care to your spouse in your own little way making them feel valued. Remembering anniversaries, birthdays and special occasions should still be practiced in the context of marriage. It’s not a crime if couples will still have their own intimate time without their kids once in while. So, go ahead and splurge yourself and your spouse on a date.
- Never go to sleep with an argument unsettled-The questions is, can you afford to have a goodnight sleep with anger raging inside you? Of course not, better talk about it before the sun goes down.
- At least once everyday try to say one kind or complimentary thing.- As they say, it takes 21 days to form a habit. The more you practice doing it, the more it will become natural within you in appreciating you spouse.
- When you have done something wrong, be ready to admit it.- Is this an easy job to do? Definitely no. “Sorry” is the magic word. Nobody is perfect, don’t be afraid to admit your mistakes. Just be sincere you’ll avoid doing it again.
- It takes two to make a quarrel and the one in the wrong is the one who does the most talking.-That’s a human defense mechanism to cover up someone’s mistake. Just be humble to admit your error and be forgiving to give your forgiveness.
I placed this frame inside our bedroom. This will serve as a constant reminder to Mon and me on how we can make our relationship strong with God as the center of our married life.
We would like to radiate the happiness within our married life to our little boy. Wouldn’t you agree seeing Akyn’s smile in this photo?
Blessed Sunday to all.